haiku. god damn.

Nth degree blackbelt
i'm a bad motherfucker
so you best watch out.
***
a jack of all trades
that is what i fuckin' am
i know everything.
***
when i'm eatin' lunch
sometimes i eat a sandwich
& sometimes i don't.
***
while readin' a book
my eyes will just bounce around
& it won't make sense.
***
my toast keeps burnin'
'cuz i need a new toaster
that's fuckin' bullshit.
***
left my fingerprint
in the victim's fuckin' blood
that was a mistake.
***
if i did tell you
then i would have to kill you
those are just the rules.
***
i just want to help
& that's what i am doin'
i'm kevorkian.
***
then groucho marx said
somethin' that was funny that
i can't remember.
***
warning: flammable
see back label for warning
warning: flammable
***
i am retarded
& i sleep just fine at night
knowing that i am.
***
the answer is 1st
& the question is 2nd
the money is last.


***
overgrown fetus
that's what just came out of me
where is a doctor?
***
walkin' 'round the house
in my fuckin' underwear
like a father should.
***
gonna rip you off
for as much cash as i can
identity theft.
***
are you paranoid
you didn't lock yr front door
well, you shouldn't be.
***
fuckin' bank accounts
doin' things i don't want to do
like talk to people.
***
the insane people
will sit right here on this bench
& talk to themselves.
***
open violence
basic, open violence
brandishing weapons.
***
i'm an idiot
or an idiot savant
but without the smarts.
***
pain does not exist
i think that it was made up
by television.
***
i don't want to know
what it is you are doin'
keep it to yrself.
***
they both looked at me
when i turned 'round the corner
i'd done nothin' wrong.
***
i'm not a guru
i'm not a fuckin' leader
I AM A RETARD.
***
september one one
said fuck it & went shoppin'
talked shit to fake cop. ***
i'm pretty clever
it is part of my dumbness
bukowski said this.
***
don't believe in rules
fuck this 5 - 7 - 5 shit
anarchy haiku.
***
i don't own a phone
actually, i own 4 phones
but they're rotary.
***
to live by yrself
is a shitty existence
how do you snuggle?