Wednesday, July 4, 2007

tom sizemore

the greatness that is tom sizemore

if you don't know who this fool is by now, that's just crazy. he's been in such films as heat, natural born killers, & black hawk down. but if yr already familiar with him, you might know him as the fuckin' badass maniac that he truely is. about 5 yrs ago or so is when his amazing downward spiral started. he was datin', hollywood madam, heidi fleiss & started smokin' methamphetamines. this is the first sign of good things to come. during his relationship with fleiss he supposedly beat her up. then there was a string of arrests involving drugs. this causes him to get placed on probation. while on probation, he as to takerandom drug tests. this is when he gets busted usin' the "whizzinator". for those who don't know what the "whizzinator" is, i'll explain. it's a fake plastic penis that you can put "clean" urine in & scam a drug test. well, this didn't work out for good ol' tom. that fool got busted. how embarassing would that be? especially if it's gonna be printed in every fuckin' hollywood gossip mag on the planet. during one of his court hearings, i think the one involving the "whizznator", he broke down & started cryin'. hardcore fuckin' cryin'. that shit is so awesome. well, during all his drug fueled escapades, mr. sizemore decides he should start filmin' himself havin' hardcore sex with, what i believe to be, prostitutes & maybe porn "actresses". to help cover all his mounting legal expenses, he starts showin' these tapes on the internet. shortly thereafter, these tapes were released to dvd. so, of course, i bought that shit as quick as i could. he now claims they were leaked, but he's a fuckin' liar. but i still heart tom sizemore. if you haven't seen of these sex tapes, you NEED to. they are pretty god damned entertaining. they are also very gross. he as every kind of you can think of with these nasty skanks, while constantly ranting to the camera about everything under the fuckin' sun. he go on & on about legal problems, how much he hates cops, not hittin' heidi fleiss, whether or not he looks like lance armstrong, & how much he loves to get fucked up on drugs. most of these rants are delivered while his member is in a hole of one sort or another. how fuckin' sweet is that? i'll tell ya, it's pretty fuckin' sweet.

now it's time for the tom sizemore haiku corner

fuck l.a.p.d
don't tell, but i'm innocent
sizemore said these things.
what is wrong with him
i think that he's just crazy
& does lots of drugs.
because of sizemore
i now want a computer
damn that tom sizemore.
he found his purpose
his purpose is doin' stuff
sex, drugs, & ranting.
juggling dildos
"i just came in some girls ass"
tom sizemore sex tape.


Tiffany said...

i need to get one of your books!

marty said...

Ha ha ha! This is great stuff! I gotta get his porn DVDs. Sounds hilarious. I don't do meth, but would buy him all he wanted if I could sit in the room and drink with him while he did it.

courtney said...

Tom Sizemore and haikus - two great tastes that taste great together.